I have a phobia of death ever since my dad died in 1993. Phone calls in the middle of the night never fail to strike fear in my heart. More often than not, it’s always bad news. I think I’ve always had inklings of death ever since I was young. My mum told me when I was born, I would always cry non-stop during maghrib (that’s when the sun sets at about 7pm), until my grandma died four months later. They say kids can see ‘these things’. Maybe I did, I wouldn’t know.
Throughout my 31 years on this earth, I’ve gone through quite a number of deaths, some of close ones and some not so. In fact, I think I’ve gone through enough to begin noticing a pattern and have even come up with several of my own theories about death. It’s not scientifically-proven, neither is it based on facts but these are my beliefs. So read on if you will…
Theory No. 1 : Death happens in series
I hate it when somebody dies cos’ I believe that when a person close to you dies, it will trigger a series of other deaths among the people you know. When my dad died in Nov 93, my maternal grandma died just a few months later in Feb 94. Within a day, my auntie’s mum died and my religious teacher died too, two months later. I can’t remember the exact number, but from 1993 to 1995 alone, I lost close to 10 people! Then as suddenly as it all began, it would just as suddenly stop, until a few years later.
The domino effect of deaths...
Recently, this series happened to me again in May last year. My cousin-in-law died in an accident and when I accompanied the body to be buried at the cemetery, I realised that I was surrounded by 3 other new graves filled with people I once knew. One of them was my wedding photographer, the other was my good friend’s dad and another was a distant relative – all died within that week! It creeps me out cos’ I was just standing beside their graves without realising who were buried there until I noticed their names. It’s sad to know that those people who were once standing beside you are now standing beneath you. And it could easily be your turn one of these days.
Theory No. 2 : Death happens when I have unclear dreams about death
I had several dreams of death in my life. One which I remembered was an old man floating on a wheelchair in a void deck. He wasn’t doing anything death-related but I just had this feeling that this person was going to die. At that point, I didn’t know of any old man on a wheelchair but somehow my sixth sense was telling me that there’s an old man I know who’s going to pass away. He need not be on a wheelchair and I may not be close to him but someone was going to die. I was 16 then and remembered telling my friend about it over the phone a few days later. On that day, I was waiting for a phone call from my eldest bro cos’ we’re supposed to go karaoke. Halfway through the conversation with my friend, a phone call came through. On the other line was my brother telling me that the karaoke session had to be cancelled cos’ his father-in-law had suddenly died of a heart attack. I was shocked cos’ his father-in-law wasn’t that old and he wasn’t sickly but the news didn’t register anything in me then. When I went over the other line, I told my friend what happened. She immediately said, “Oh my God! Your dream came true!” It was then that I realised that the old man in my dream was him. And no, in real life he was never on a wheelchair. At that point it really spooked me up. It’s not a nice feeling to know that this kinda dream came true.
This was how it appeared in my dream
Another dream of death that I had was when I was pregnant with Camy. It was a few days before my labour and I was sleeping in the morning when I had that dream. I dreamt that my eldest brother was on a motorbike in some kampong with my other family members surrounding him. His pillion rider was a body wrapped up like a mummy (mayat that has been kapan) lying horizontally behind him. He was riding away and I remembered asking him in my dream where he’s going. He shouted that he’s going to this island (which starts with ‘M’, which I can’t remember the name) to bury the body in the sea. I remembered having this feeling in the dream that someone was gonna die soon but again, I don’t know who. This time round, I don’t have to wait long for my answers. Within seconds, I heard my mum knocking loudly on my bedroom door. I woke up and opened the door, half awake and half asleep. She said, “Your grandpa had died in Moro (an island in Batam).” I was like, “What?! I just dreamt about it before you knock the door…” Coincidence? I don’t know.
In my dream, this thing was behind my brother on the motorbike. Scary, right?
I had several other dreams of death but I realised that if the dreams is very clear, then most likely it won’t come true. Like if I know the person who died in my dreams and the exact sequence of the death, then it won’t happen. For it to come true, it has to be a very blurred dream and I wouldn’t be able to tell who it is. In fact, it’s usually not the dream per se but the feeling I get from the dream that will tell me whether it’s a real premonition or not. Unfortunately, when my close ones like my dad and my brother-in-law died, I had no premonitions about it at all and I always wonder why.
I would love for the dream that I won a lottery to come true. Unfortunately, no such luck!
Death Theory No. 3 : Death happens when you least expected it
Sometimes, I have a feeling that I’m gonna die but it doesn’t happen. Maybe when I have some chest pains or something like that, I start thinking that my time on this earth is not gonna be long. But hey! I’m still alive! Sometimes my close friends tell me that they feel that something bad is gonna happen to them and usually nothing happens. That makes me realise that death always happens unexpectedly. If you expect it to happen, it won’t. It prefers to catch you by surprise and you will have no hunch whatsoever that it’s gonna happen to you. Maybe God gives us this gift of not realising things when it’s gonna happen so that we won’t panic and let it happen naturally. I don’t know, maybe. So nowadays, whenever someone tells me that they’re gonna die, I will tell them that it won’t happen so easily. Not when they realised it.
Death Theory No. 4 : Death happens when a sickly person suddenly appears healthier
My family was taking care of my dad’s adopted mother when I was younger. She was bedridden for years and was getting weaker by the day. Towards the end of her life, she was eating lesser and lesser, and sometimes she just survived on a liquid diet. Then one day, a relative came to visit and asked about her condition. I remembered my mum saying something like, “Ya, she’s so much better today as compared to other days. Today she suddenly seems to have a big appetite and able to swallow everything. Maybe she’s recovering.” I think you can guess what happened that very night – she passed on peacefully. I have heard of this phenomenon very frequently, even among nurses. Sickly hospital patients on their death bed will suddenly show signs of recovery only to pass away that very night. I guess it’s God’s last mercy for the suffering to give them a last breath of life before taking their lives away.
Death Theory No. 5 : Death is not obvious for those who’s going to go through it
My brother-in-law died unexpectedly. He was only 27 years old and relatively healthy when he died. The whole family was busy packing their belongings cos’ they were about to move house. His mum kept on asking him to pack his things until one day he said to her, “There’s no point. I’m not going over.” The mum just brushed his comments aside and it only dawned on her when he passed away a few days later before they moved house. Guess his prediction came true, huh?
Wouldn't it be scary to have this premonition?
There was also a tragic case of rape and murder of a 10-year old girl in JB back in 2004. The mother said that days before she was killed, she requested that her mum buy some white cloth for her school uniform. Her mum was puzzled cos’ her uniform wasn’t white in colour. It was only after she died that her mum understood what the white cloth meant. (FYI, white is the colour of the cloth where Muslims are swathed with when they’re buried).
And of cos’ there are many other similar stories that I’ve heard. So my theory is that, people who are dying will sometimes spew words or do things that they don’t normally do without realising the significance of it. I mean, ask yourself, normally would you say these things? And even if you do, wouldn’t you find it weird that you said it? So I guess, they don’t realise the significance of these words, or else they wouldn’t say it. Maybe they’re in a trance or something. It’s only the people around them that would notice these things. But humans being humans, would just brush everything off as rubbish talk, until something happens. By then it’s too late. Perhaps next time we could pay more attention when our close ones start spouting nonsense and try to read more into it. It could be a premonition.
The Grim Reaper - We will all get a visit from him one day...
But I believe, when death does come, do take comfort in the fact that you would feel a sense of peace overwhelming you when it happens. I’ve read and heard about people telling me that when they were going through a near-death experience, they suddenly felt a sense of peace engulfing them like as though death was welcoming them to meet their maker. I can only hope mine will be as peaceful too.
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This is spooky Rina! I had goosebumps reading your post
But sumtimes we must think of death to remind ourselves tht we won’t live in this world forever…and also to appreciate pple in your lives cos you never know when they’re gonna die or when you’re gonna die.
Izzit spooky? My sis said so too. Maybe cos’ I’m the one who had that dream so I don’t find it spooky. I think the fact it came true is more spooky.
Ya, we should cherish the people in our lives but humans like us tend to forget, until we lose them. By then too late alr.
U r absolutely right about all the facts! It’s strange how death comes in a ‘series’… it gives me the creeps! And that pict of the body wrapped up…. is that real?
There’s also the afterdeath… seeing white butterfiles in your house when some u know just passed away, having simultaneous dreams of loved ones whom have passed on; having your loved ones appear and speak to you in your dreams…It’s just hair raising…. don’t you think?
Yup Evangeline. It’s scary to think of people U know dying one after another in such a short time. But this theory has always been true for me. Did it happen to U too? When my father died, I didn’t see any white butterflies but I smelled the hospital smell (we were by his bedside when he was in coma for a week) at my home a few days after he died. We believe the spirits would still be around the house a few days after someone has passed on. So I believe it was my dad who came for a visit that time. I didn’t have any dreams of him till a few yrs later. What abt U? U saw white butterflies izzit?
P.S. I dreamt of that picture lah. Come to think of it, it is scary.