“Regardless of Race, Language or Religion…”

On this National Day, I would like to address the issue of race. Ooh, sensitive issue… Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go on an offensive on the racial matters in Singapore. After all, I’m just a peace-loving Singaporean who just wanna give my two cents worth on this issue. Nevertheless, I feel this issue has to be addressed as your race sometimes defines how you are being treated by others. Personally, what does race means to me? Being of mixed parentage, race means NOTHING to me. I notice, usually the person who’s of mixed blood does not think they are any different from others. It’s always other people who have different opinions of them. When I was growing up (even up till now), I was often mistaken for a Chinese. Back then I don’t understand why cos’ I don’t see a Chinese when I look in the mirror, I only see me. When I grew up and become more aware of the world, only then do I realise how much I look like them and how this would affect my life. I guess, children are actually born colour-blind, it’s always the adults who taint their views with colours.

My case in point :

It’s sometimes funny to see how Singaporeans always go goo-goo-gaga over Pan-Asians and how some advertisers like to use them when they are trying to project a cool image with their brands. And how people tend to think that people of mixed parentage are exotic. I think that’s why you often hear this : “What race are you?” “Oh, my mum’s a mixed of Thai-Malay and my dad’s a Chindian and my grandmother is ¼ Filipino and one-sixth Spanish.” Man! They would produce more fractions than my Maths book! I guess the next thing you should ask them is what’s in their IC. Then maybe the answer is, “Indian”. Ha Ha! Sometimes a simple one-word answer is all that people wanna hear without going into details on your complicated ancestry.

Kids know better. We adults should be ashamed :

Of cos’ sometimes people wanna justify everything. For example, I will often get this remark, “You’re a Malay ah? Then how come you’re so fair?” Then I will have to explain on the fact that my mum is Chinese and that’s why I look like how I look. And sometimes I might even have to go into details on “how she became a Malay” (more on that below). Like as though you can become a different race from what you were born into. LOL! So to save time, I picked up Mandarin from TV by myself and now use it on a daily basis to reply to those people who would automatically ask me questions or directions in Mandarin. Rather than make a feeble attempt at explaining that I’m not Chinese and telling my whole life story, I would just give them the answers they want in Mandarin and carry on the pretence that I am Chinese. I even had situations where classmates or colleagues who don’t realise that I’m Malay even though they’ve known me for months or years. That’s how effortlessly I’ve managed to blend in sometimes.

Me, my daughter & mum. See! 3 generations and the Chinese blood does not seem get diluted. This shows that it's very strong

My hubby sometimes complains to me about the discrimination he faces being a Malay in Singapore. Although it’s not very apparent, I know these things exist even in ‘judged based on merit-Singapore’. How many times do you see an advertised position requesting for English and Mandarin-speaking candidates even for those positions which does not require them to liaise with Chinese-speaking clients? This and other instances make me aware of what’s going on. But that’s all I am – Aware. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I’ve experienced the same level of discrimination my hubby faced. Looking like them and being able to speak their language has allowed me to be easily accepted into their culture. So personally, I don’t feel the social divide between Malays and Chinese is that far. But that’s just my take on this issue. Of cos’ I could go on and on debating on racial discriminations but that would make a very boring blog post. So let me tell you a very interesting story on race and beliefs instead.

MY MUM & HER LIFE STORY

My mum actually has a very interesting life story which warrants a detailed portion of this post entry on her own. My mum was born a Chinese. What do I mean by “born a Chinese”? Well, she was born to a Chinese family of 7 children in 1950 (the year of the dreaded Tiger). She had 2 elder sisters and 1 elder brother but a few months after she was born, her brother drowned. Imagine that, the only son of a Chinese family died just after my mum was born! Naturally, this incident and the fact that my mum was born in the year of the Tiger made her parents think that my mum was jinxed. It may seem preposterous now but back in the 50s, this train of thought is not at all unusual. People are much more traditional then and their beliefs are largely influenced by fate and destiny. In fact up till now, the Chinese zodiac has a major influence on the number of babies produced in Singapore. There will be a significant drop in the number of babies in the year of the Tiger and a jump in birth rates in the year of the Dragon. The repercussion of this is, those born in the year of the Dragon will have a hard time getting places in primary one and universities.

OK, back to my mum’s story. So being the “suay” baby that she was deemed to be, a decision was made to give my mum away. A few other Chinese couples were approached but I guess my mum’s reputation preceded her and so no Chinese would take her in to their family. In the end, a Malay couple, who did not believe in this “curse”, agreed to adopt her. They had two sons and wanted a daughter badly and so that’s how my mum started her new life, as a Malay. So although she was born a Chinese, she grew up in a very traditional Malay environment. So much so that she couldn’t speak any other language other than Malay, which is funny cos’ people would not expect such a Chinese-looking woman like her to speak Malay at all. Coincidentally, my dad’s mum (my paternal grandma) had the same history as my mum – she was also given away by her Chinese parents to a Malay couple. So I’m ¾ Chinese actually. See! Now I’m fractionising like those people I mention. Ha Ha! Over the years, I actually met or read about a lot of people who have the same history as my mum and most of them are born in the year of the Tiger. Coincidence or what?;-)

My mum in her teens. She looked totally different from her siblings

As my mum grew up, she began to suspect that she’s adopted cos’ obviously she looked very different from her siblings and parents as they were much darker. When she was 9, she asked her mum on why her birth cert has a Chinese name on it and her mum gave her the most innovative answer ever. Her mum said that when she was a baby, her birth cert was accidentally exchanged with a Chinese baby and so that birth cert she’s holding was actually not hers. Creative, isn’t it? And my mum didn’t bother asking for more details as people during that time don’t really questioned their mums the way the kids do nowadays. I guess, as she grew to adulthood, she finally figured out that she’s adopted but she never confronted her foster mum with the truth for fear of upsetting her.

Years after she got married, she found it difficult to get employment as her IC was blue in colour (cos’ she has a Chinese name on her birth cert and a Malay name on her IC, so the discrepancy caused them to give her a blue IC). She finally decided to look for her birth parents so that they could verify to the Immigration Office that she’s a Singaporean and changed her IC to pink. She looked at the name of her parents on her birth cert and pored over the Yellow Pages to find a name with an exact match. She found it and my dad called them up to ask if they had ever given away a baby back in 1950. They admitted that they did and a reunion was arranged at their house.

My mum and dad with her real parents. This was taken during the reunion in 1980

When my mum reached the lift landing of their house, all her siblings and relatives were lining up along the corridor to get a first look at her. The moment she came out of the lift, they instantly recognised her as their sister cos’ the resemblance between siblings was uncanny. Her mum cried and apologised, stating that she didn’t mean to give her away but had to cos’ their financial situation was very tight then. Of cos’ my mum knew that that’s not the truth as she has four other younger siblings after her and they kept every one of them. But my mum, being the kind-hearted and gentle woman that she is, forgave her parents immediately and never enquired further. My mum is a simple woman who never desires the material trappings of life. To her, she is happy the way she is and the way her life has turned out to be. Her adopted parents may not be rich but they had taken good care of her and brought her up well. And that’s all that matters to her. A few short years after the reunion, her parents died of an accident and an illness. Maybe there is some truth to her “suay” status after all. Ha Ha! Just joking guys! By the way, these words came out of her own mouth. Shows how self-deprecating my mum can be sometimes.

My mum and her younger sis who looks very much like her. Taken in 1980

From left : My late dad (standing), my mum's younger brother, his wife, my mum's elder sis, my mum (in green), my mum's younger sis and her husband. Taken in 1991

It’s also thanks to the 1980 reunion that we have kept in touch with all my Chinese aunties, uncles and cousins all these while. They would usually come over to our house during Hari Raya for a get-together or just to catch up on things. I guess being a product of a mixed race can be pretty interesting. I get to experience different cultures, see two different sides of the coin and given a totally different treatment as compared to my Malay counterparts. And so, I’m not going to complain.

Some of the extended family members during one of the Hari Raya visits. My mum is in the green baju kurung

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